Why is my skin so bad?

A few weeks ago my skin took a turn. My birthday passed and while my eyesight and alcohol tolerance got on in years, my skin and hair reverted back to their teenage years ... in fact they weren't even like this when I was a teenager! What is going on?! I had to come to the realisation that I wasn't going to stay young forever; laziness and bad habits were going to catch up with me eventually.

So some reevaluating had to take place. Everything that went off and came off my face had to be reexamined. I thought about everything I used; what it was, when I used it ... did I use it right, did it work?

I made some investments, brought back old favourites and I was really honest with myself about how I felt about various products - not just using them because they were there or the smell nice or have a cute name. Using things that work!

First off - I have concluded that I have dry/combination skin. I used to think it was just dry, but I was getting slightly oily breakouts too. It is so important to know what type of skin you have - otherwise it's like going shoe shopping without knowing what size you are.

My day-to-day routine varies depending on the time of day, how much time I have and how my skin is; but it's always some combination of these products. I've tried to supply official links where I can

And the results are in:

Cleansers:

Vichy Purete Thermale 3 in 1 Calming Cleansing Micellar Solution: I bought this on a whim - but I instantly fell in love. It takes make-up right off, feels lovely and clean without feeling like I'm using a load of chemicals. Also; it doesn't dry out your skin as soon as you use it, it does feel lovely and soothing. I manly use it when I'm lazy and taking off my make-up, my sister has become quite partial to it too. I got it on sale at €14.95

e.l.f Mineral Facial Cleanser : I was recommended it by the elf people themselves on Twitter and was excited to try out all the natural ingredients which initially drew me in (as well as the £8 price tag). First off - I was disappointed that the bottle was not full. I never questioned this, as the powder is very fine, but it was a little annoying. To use, I do like it, it lathers up into a thick foam and it does feel fresh and clean and my skin does feel smoother after use. I use it every few days - but I am yet to fall in love with it. I don't see it as some amazing, change-your life product; but it's a good price with nice, natural ingredients - so I would say for dry or sensitive skins you can't go too far wrong.

Liz Earle Cleanse & Polish™ Hot Cloth Cleanser : 

This product has a cult following, and for good reason, I used it once and fell in love! It's a combination of the rosemary and eucalyptus that feels refreshing and the camomile and cocoa butter that is lovely and rich on the skin; my skin is so much happier since Liz Earle came into my like. I also bought my Mum a bottle as she also has dry and sometimes sensitive skin - she also loved it almost immediately. The hot cloth element of it contributes a lot to how this product works, I feel; opening up your pores to let the ingredients do their work and the splash of cold water in itself does a world of good for skin tone and pores. The website also has lots of skincare advise, so be sure to check that out at least. For €17 you can get a 100ml bottle and two cloths or just €15.25 for just the cleanser. It's worth every penny.

Boots exfoliator sponge: I'm always reading how important it is to exfoliate for dry skin, and I can't stress how true that is. But don't OVER do it. I don't bother with buying exfoliating lotions, the bits do my head in and I never feel like I rinse them all off. I use this sponge with a light cleanser whenever I feel it needs it. You can be as light or as harsh as you want, and for €3 - what more do ya' want?!

Honorable mentions:

Boots Botanics Olive Oil Cleanser: I thought the olive oil would help moisturize my dry skin, but it does edge on the side of being a little rich for me. It's nice with my exfoliator sponge, or for sweeping off make-up, but I don't think I have much need for it.

Dermalogica daily microfoliant : Initially I thought the e.l.f cleanser would be a dupe of the dermalogica, but they have they're differences. This product is my Mum's, she bought to try and combat her own dry skin problems. While it does foam into a slight lather, some of the grains remain to help with exfoliating - but I don't know if my skin needs a scrub like this every day. It's nice and light and cleansing to an extent ... but to be honest, especially for the high price tage, I was underwhelmed.

The Body Shop Aloe Gentle Facial Wash : This is also nice with the exfoliating sponge as a nice sensitive facial wash. Everyone in my family, including my Dad, has used this at some point. I haven't found anything particularly spectacular about this product; it's a nice, run-of-the-mill cleanser, bit of an all-rounder but I can see myself keeping a bottle around for rainy days.

Toners:

Boots Botanics Organic Rosewater Toner: This toner is marketed for fair and dry skin - which is me down to a tee. I personally like to use natural and organic products and rosewater is a natural toner in itself. This is my second bottle, and I can see myself buying more in the future. It does what I expect toner to do for me; leave my skin tingling, fresh and doesn't feel dried out. It would take off most make-up if I needed it, and feels refreshing when swept over bare skin. All in all - this product makes me happy :)

Honorable mentions:

Pharmacy Brand Rose Water (or Rosewater/Witchhazel): **Not pictured** My sister bought the Witch hazel/ Rose water combination after reading a review online. I bought the Rose Water the same day it was nice, but compared to the Botanics it seemed a bit harsh - which didn't make sense seeing as it should be soft and natural. My sister really liked the combination toner, as she has slightly oily skin. I recommend them as a way to figure out how these ingredients suit your skin and they're also quite cheap (if not somewhat awkward to find in the shop)

Moisturiser:

Nivea Soft Intensive Moisturising Cream: My sister originally bought this as part of her own skincare stock - and being the good sister I am I stole some a few times. It spreads out, absorbs right in but what's important about this is it doesn't disappear once it had soaked in - it stays soft and moisturised. This is also an all-purpose cream; face, body hands - I've used it on my tattoo while it was healing. Nivea has always been an old-faithful in my books, this is an every-day all-purpose take on the richer original cream. I can't stress enough how much I love it; make-up goes on over it, skin stays soft for hours after applying it and it never feels oily or heavy. Where has it been all my life?!

Honorable Mentions:

Boots Botanics Day Shift: Part of my 3 for 2 Botanics binge, I had high hopes for this cream and while it goes on nice, it tends to disappear after a little while, and I just didn't feel like it did the job. Make-up didn't see happy over it, and my skin didn't show any improvement. I'll use up the pot, but I won't repurchase. I don't think it's suited to dry skin at least. 

Clinique Moisture Surge Intense Skin Fortifying Hydrator: I "borrowed" this from my Mum on a few occasions when I  was having a  major skin crisis. This particular cream is for very dry to dry skin; it's super intense moisturising. It's also €40 ... so I wasn't allowed borrow it much ... or a all. Hours later it felt like it was still freshly applied, stilly dewy and super-soft. Almost ... too soft, though - if there even is such a thing! I don't think my skin was quite dry enough to warrant such an intense cream - and €40?! I was almost afraid to use it. Also, I've heard some rumours about Clinique that once you stop using it your skin freaks out and you have to either start using it again or try to get it back to normal. While it feels nice and rich - my Mum has told me she's thinking of switching to an other brand, and frankly I don't know if I'll miss it. 

What I'm wishing for this Friday ...

Not much of a wishing day today, but the fine weather does make you long for a few things - mainly holiday beer garden related ...

1. I wish I had a lovely convertible car I could drive around the countryside in

2. I wish I was in San Francisco right now, I can't wait 3 weeks

3. I wish I had an iced coffee

4. I wish I was in New York - because I can't wait 4 weeks either

5. I'm still wishing I took more photographs ... that weren't on Instagram ...

6. I wish I could get off my ass and sort my room out

7. I wish my hair would sort itself out

8. I wish I could get off my ass and wash everything in my wash basket

9. I wish I could get 8 hours sleep and feel rested instead of more tired

10. I wish I didn't feel like I was being forgotten so often

11. I wish I had more faith in myself

12. I wish other people had more faith me

13. I wish the people I care about knew just how much I care about them, because it's so much - almost too much ...

Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world - Oscar Wilde

What's the latest on the nail varnish front?

Following on from this post - my lament on my search for the ultimate nail varnish. I have, in fact, come very close.

Check out this baby: 

This gem, aptly named Supernova, comes courtesy of the folks at American Apparel - my pal with her finger very much on the pulse of all things beauty, whom may be found over at Blushful Beauty, told me about it in linking me to a Blog which I have since regretfully forgotten the name of ...

Needless to say I ran to American Apparel and shelled out the 9 - yes 9! - Euro (Although I could have had 3 for 21, and I have had positive experiences with their nail "lacquers") and in my excitement painted it on my nails immediately and ... forgot to take a picture.

But my obsession didn't end there. Not long after I tried to be fashionable and "on-trend" painting my nails a lovely summery coral from Catrice, 030 Meet Me At Coral Island, which turned out a lot more NEON that I had expected (it's not quite as pink as it appears on the site). Enter my fabulous Supernova and the result -

- heaven! :D

I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it. - Marilyn Monroe

What I'm wishing for this Friday...

Just because, I'm having a bit of a longing, nostalgia-filled morning. It must be something to do with rainy, drizzly bus journeys. So here are the things I've been wishing for this morning -

1. I wish I was in New York, on a sunny morning, in denim shorts with a fresh lemonade

2. I wish I was wandering around London on a grey morning on my way to a museum

3. I wish I could see my Granddad more often

4. I wish I had enough money for a cotton/jersey maxi skirt

5. I wish I could get to the gym more often ... and more productively

6. I wish I had a pair of Converse cut-offs...

7. I wish I had a Mulberry handbag

8. I wish for a good birthday for Dad this weekend

9. I wish my hair would sort itself out

10. I wish I had 6 months off to just go around and catch up on life

11. I wish I could tell people what's on my mind

12.  I wish I knew what I was doing

13. I wish I took more photos

14. I wish I wore more lipstick

15. I wish this junkie would stop smoking down the back of the bus ...

... yeah, that was my morning

"When you wish upon a star, makes no diff'rence who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you" - Jiminy Cricket

Why I love coffee shops...

Today I killed time before work exchanging my loyalty card for the promised free coffee.

Warm air greets me as I skip up the steps and through the door. Business people and hipsters alike are deep in conversation and thought pouring over notes, newspapers, notebooks - some distinctively cool music is floating in the air along with the telling scent of coffee.

It's always warm in my coffee shop, never too warm, but warm enough that you can through off your coat and scarf and sit by the windows or read one of the FREE books. Yes, free - it's a communal library set up at the back. The windows have a grey-green muslin-like curtain at the lower half and look out to a one of the few tree-lined streets in the area; giving lovely mottled light come spring and summer. Oh an autumn, it's just so lovely in autumn!

The staff remember you in here, the manager smiles at you. There's porridge for breakfast, salads, ciabatta sandwiches, scones, croissants and so many cakes.

Today a Canadian woman took my order. The Australian barrista wasn't working today, but the German guy with perfect English was. In the que I stood in front of a women I happen to know was a man a few years ago.

It's for reasons like all these and more that I love coffee shops.

Why I was two days late with his birthday...

From the start he made a big deal about birthdays. I'm not a birthday person, I don't like the attention and in particular the receiving of presents makes me incredible awkward. But from the beginning - he loved birthdays. We were "officially" going out 2 days before my birthday - he booked premier tickets to the Lion King in London.

2 months later it was his birthday - I decided to take him to Alton Towers. I'd never spent so much on a birthday present, but I didn't care. He's still going on about it. And so the present battle was in full swing.

This year, I had to do well. I couldn't take him away to the hotel I had picked until he was finished his assignments so I endeavoured to find shoes. The kind of shoes Jedward would wear - don't ask he loves them. He's also a size 11, which makes shoe-buying even MORE awkward.

I found an AMAZING pair on a certain sports site, shelled out for the express shipping and set up an account with a forwarding service in the UK as the company didn't ship outside of Merry Ole' England. When I heard no word as to where my order was a chain of e-mails between me and their ridiculous online "Contact Us" service. It went something like this:

Hi, where are my shoes?

Your shoes? Let me see ...Oh wait, you're in Ireland - sorry, cancelled!

Eh, I know I'm in Ireland, it was being shipped to England!

...

...

...

TALK TO ME!

...

...

Oh sorry about that, go ahead and re-order them.

Eh, what?! Not likely. You fix it!

Oh we're sorry this happened, send us your new order number and we'll refund you the express shipping cost.

...

Oh wait, you're billing address is Irish too - no can do.

YOU GUYS SUCK!!!

God bless Asos. I found an exquisite pair of Puma high-tops designed by Alexander McQueen. Laser card, Express shipping, Done. It'll be delivered on Monday ... his birthday is Sunday. Damn, so close. 

Text Mum on Monday:

Did that package arrive ok?

They called when I was out. Can pick it up from the depo tomorrow

... just shoot me

Why I don't know what my voice sounds like ...

"Three deep breaths in, and out on a hiss" is how each singing lesson begins. Three deep breaths through pursed lips and exhale on a "hissssss". I think this is to act as a slight resistance so you're more aware of your breathing - or something like that. 

On a whim, well a whim I considered for many a week, I booked myself "Introducing Singing for Adults" in Waltons New School of Music. I think it was the "for adults" part of the title that scared me. 10 week course, group lessons, introducing you to breathing techniques, getting to know your range and what genres you like singing - with the world's most terrifying solo at the last class. The class itself was uneventful - I was happy to be exercising my vocal chords after years of neglect. 

From primary school I had sang in choirs, had the odd solo, short solos during mass. In secondary school I was in choir, again, and eventually built up the confidence to sing as part of music practicals. I was, still can be, cripplingly shy - singing draws too much attention to you, it was a practice I generally avoided. When I did it was along with a CD turned way up then when it came to the solo or having the house to myself - the sound coming out was almost uncontrollable, I didn't know what was going to come out now that the CD was gone, there was no choir around me to blend in with. Sometimes it was a pleasant surprise, sometimes it sounded nothing like it was supposed to and just came out as a generic sing-y voice.

Come fourth year and mandatory auditions for the musical most of my initial apprehension had melted away. I had sang for my music class, I'd done drama classes, I sang for my music exam in the Leaving Cert - a deep breath and hiding my flushed cheeks behind my hair I faced the back of the hall and bravely chose to sing my own song instead of a scale of Doh A Dear. To this day, I consider that a HUGE mistake. Strange as it may seem; but it went well - too well. But I was 15, I had worn a purple velvet gothic dress to a colours day and I was too cool for this musical. I never wanted to be in it, had it been any other musical maybe, or a different part - maybe I'd feel different; but to this day I hate that I never turned around and said I didn't want to do it. Before I knew what was happening I was in the thick of it and I couldn't cause the upheaval of walking out. For this reason I will forever hate anything and everything to do with the show Grease and I stopped singing.

This ban was only lifted for music exams and for car journeys when the radio bored me and once at a party when while playing Band Hero a guyfriend couldn't hit the notes during Paramore's Misery Business - but everyone was too drunk to remember. To even half-sing, hum a bit of a song someone is thinking of, sing along to a CD in the car (which Boyfriend takes very personally) is too much for me. I can't breath, my throat closes up, I blush - instantly, I look for an escape - I panic.

So now, group lessons over. I've paid for one-on-one lessons with my lovely teacher who wears comfy slouchy jumpers, can improv jazz riffs and has a way of teaching that doesn't make it seem like you're on the spot. Two lessons in, we're working on "clearing up the tone" - I have notes that say "Don't be afraid to push the notes" and "Be confident about the sound that's coming out" or "It's a frame of mind" - it's easier said than done, seeing as I'm still trying to grasp the concept that this sound is mine and it surprises me every time.

I'm so used to being quiet all the time ...

"Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice" - William Shakespeare

Spring varnish

I has considered the title "Nailing Spring" or "Spring? Nailed, it!" (just game up with that there) but I was too ashamed to taint that poor innocent title box with such sub-par wit!

Anyhoo, on a more lighthearted note, nail varnish. Whoever it was who thought "let's paint these post-evolution claws we've got here" was definitely drinking their smart juice that day! It's too much fun. I've always had a few bottle of nail varnish in various colours when I was younger - I can trace my first clear memory back to a Sale-of-Work in school.

I'll set the scene.

I couldn't have been more than 9 or 10. A sale-of-work had been planned in school (primary school, the building to this day still smells like milk) but Irish weather, not wanting to act out of character, thought it would be better if it rained that day. So the event which usually took place along the edges of the bigger playground, yard as we called it (god, we had some odd words for things) was organised in the ground-floor classrooms of the senior block.

I remember it being really dark outside - like thundery dark. I can remember shadowy tables, buying bracelets with my friend make out of coloured wool; they were friendship bracelets as far as we were concerned! At one point we approached a table where a girl was offering nail painting as her trade. I distinctly remember picking a clear varnish with multicoloured glitter as my choice - I can still picture it on one of my fingernails; pink, red and gold glitter ... and maybe some blue, or silver. Honestly the memory is so hazy I can't remember much more. I think the girl herself had long, straight hair. I loved it. The colours especially; all of them, captured in the clear varnish. All the glitter the same size, equally balanced. Perfect. In my eyes.

I later searched the Poundshop in the Square in Tallaght for it - in fact to this day I haven't found it. I'm not constantly looking for it - I had a pang of nostalgia when I saw a picture of the Opi Nail Lacquer in Rainbow Connection from the Muppets Collection; that was the closest I've ever seen - yet still not quite there.

Over the years I collected my fair share of pearly lilacs, a horridly glamourous thick dark green and gold glitter concoction. A trio set of silver, magenta and electric blue all with thick silver glitter - just thinking back on them know is bringing the memories and the images flooding back. Somewhere along the line they've all dried out, been lost, used up - I had three tiny bottles from a toy set of some sort, a clear purple one went on as the most useless topcoat that could be obsessively peeled off afterwards. Then all I wore was black, then branched into reds and now my little box is over flowing and shows no signs of stopping. Trawling through fashion blogs and magazines is not helping the obsession. Oh how I hate that Pay Day is still a week away ...

Well, my ramblings are nothing without pictures. Cracked nailvarnish like Barry M's Graffiti nails was big  for all of a month a while back - now that the word is out any and every brand are doing their own versions and branching into an array colours. Frankly I'm not completely sold on cracked polish is washy pastels but while in Penneys I did grab a trio of own-brand nail varnishes on my way to the till. A dark blue base-coat, silver crackle and a top coat. For €4, I thought it was worth a try. I was wrong - I HATED it. The silver came out mostly chalkly white, no sparkle - but I had to leave it and go out anyway! A friend of mine remarked they looked like denim - which, considering she didn't know how it was supposed to look, she thought looked cool.

The next day I learned my sister had used them while I was out - her results were much better than mine -

I let mine chip away for a while before swapping them for some seasonal pastels I'm much happier with :) The blue is Models Own in Blooboo, it's really lovely colour and the coverage is nice and solid once you give it two good coats. The green is from Urban Outfitters W.I.P in Peppermint - quite thin going on but builds up and lasts really well. And the yellow is Lemoncello (love the name) from Angelica (I know, I know - I swore off buying nail varnish in Penneys, but this time it'll be different - right?)

I'll be quiet now. Loves.

"...until everything was rainbow, rainbow,rainbow!" - The Fish, Elizabeth Bishop

Why are we mean to each other?

Today I had to go to the doctor - long story short I thought I lost my prescription, turns out I never got one and now I have one again. Huzzah! In any case, after I left the surgery I started walking in the direction of home thinking "I'll get a bit of a walk in, and get a bus at some point along the way." Clever, eh? Well, two buses passed me as I was on this "clever" walk of mine, so my bit of a walk got a bit long. I finally settled on a bus stop and waited, as you do.

Upon the bus's arrival myself and the only other passenger stepped forward to the curb. This other passenger was an older man, maybe 60, and possible a little shorter than me. The bus door opened and, not wanting to be rude, I held back to let him on ahead of me seeing as he was closer; he, however, simply gestured towards the open doors as if to say "After you". I smiled. I thanked him. I boarded the bus, beeped my beepycard and went to find a seat - that, you would think is the end of the story.

Instead I heard a voice behind me, the driver, speaking to the polite passenger who had boarded after me. "Chivalry will never dead!" he remarked. I smiled more.

So I got to thinking - chivalry. My iDictionary tells me, is a "medieval knightly system with its (...) moral and social code" or more to the point "courteous behavior, especially that of a man towards women". It's things like, in my case, letting someone go first through the door, holding doors open, giving up a seat, bowing - all that jazz. Feminists everywhere are curling their toes, I know. But before we get carried - it was the "courteous behavior" element that struck me more than anything else.

Something about a stranger doing something nice for you is so uplifting it can turn your day upside down.  Strangers interacting with you is enough to catch you off guard - but they're only people, what's so shocking? We're surrounded by people all the time, we're always communicating - yes, this is another "How social media is ruining us" piece. But not only that, we don't expect much of each other either.

First take how much easier, and addictive, it is to talk to people online. Not only that, it's so much easier to talk AT people online. Trolling being the most obvious example. We've got very good and very comfortable with our fluffy, superficial relationships we conduct online. Our screens actings as shields against, what? Reality? I've personally always liked having the security of not having to think on the spot when it came to communicating online. "Lisa is typing..." buys you time when replying in conversations, you can go back and change something before you say it - and not only that, it doesn't even have to be "Lisa" typing, no-one has to know who we are online. It's the height of escapism - the masquerade ball of modern times.

The second hurdle is our expectation of those around us. This may be a city thing, or a recession thing, but people are wary - they don't trust people they don't know, some people don't trust people they do know. In thinking about this I couldn't settle on just one reason why this may be. Anything from TV programs about street crime or glamorous homicide investigators, to graphic newspaper reports and sensationalized tabloid stories; to mean and horrible people, trolls, on the internet - this has all shed light on what has always been the darker side of humanity. Bare with me here. We're more aware of how mean people can be, maybe we always knew this, but it's as if we're reminded of it more often - and that's not because there's more bad people than good out there, it's because scandal sells - a story isn't a story without the shock factor. Bad news is good news.

Ask anyone who was bullied in school; it only takes one person to put you off school. To protect ourselves we won't repeat a situation that got us hurt before - so one person in school is mean, may as well write everyone in school off as mean. Okay, maybe that's my bad school days talking - but hopefully it's making sense. It only takes one person out of a hundred to do something that leaves us wary of the other ninety-nine.

So that's my theory on strangers - in a strange, roundabout way. My perspective on the world hasn't been drastically changed because someone let me ahead of them on the bus - but it did draw my attention to the bizarre change social interaction has taken. We've protected ourselves against invisible enemies with earphones, smart phones and laptops - blocking out the real world around us and dealing only with a world in front of us which we see as something we can control, manage.

When, really, it just takes a second to realise - people are nice, people are polite and people do still talk to each other. Maybe not all the time, maybe not enough and maybe sometimes it doesn't happen - but there's hope yet.

... and while we're on the topic of mean people - (",) where was Taylor Swift when I was 14?

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Plato

Dreamer, dreamer, daydream believer

I spend a great amount of time thinking. Dreaming almost. The majority of these dreams are directed at trying to figure out that age-old question "who am I". If I were to try to describe myself I would be at a loss for words.

I don't know how many people honestly, truthfully, know who they are. I find it hard to believe that anyone can be sure of something like that - but maybe my brain is just incapable of wrapping itself around that concept. I have vivid memories of sitting in class, looking around and wondering

"How is it no-one else seems bothered by this? Are they oblivious? How do they just go about their day without this obsession with consciousness...?"

I think I may have heard someone remark something similar "Do you ever wonder if anyone else thinks about being here?" a brief statement of enlightenment on their part, but they may have been coming down from a sugar crash - and being that it was during English class, one's mind does seem to wander. I get the impression that wondering if people think like you think is generally a thought process avoided. It's so abstract that without an extensive vocabulary like that of Foucault or other post-modern gurus maybe it's a topic best ignored. I find myself so consumed with this I often find myself drawn to the theory "maybe everyone else is crazy and I'm the only normal one", like the elephant in the room. The outsider looking in. That's the story of my life. So far that's all I've figured out.

Why Disney? A line that as always stuck with me goes as follows;

" A dream is a wish your heart makes ..."

I'll leave it at that